Loving my 20's
In the past few weeks, more has happened to me than in the past few months combined. And boy, am I loving the feeling of movement. Right now, I can feel the irresistible draw and drift of a tide that is carrying me towards my future self’s destination. I can feel the plan or purpose. I sense it. There are clues speckled throughout the night. It’s full of signs and omens. I feel like fate itself is daring me to go or warning me to stay.
All I can say is bring it on! Throughout the busy days, unfolding upon each other through the tumble of crowded hours, I have navigated through different beginnings and endings, as all beings here have. There are turning points in every life. Questions of luck, will, and fate. The 20’s are full of them.
Some key things I’ve learned so far….
- This is not the time to focus on getting my act together. This is the time to live with the idea that I don’t have my life “figured out” yet. In fact, having it all completely together can be a limiting, dangerous space that stunts my growth. This is a time for initiation. I am allowed to be curious.
- Educate. Educate. Educate. I’ve moved from University in Squamish (a tiny Canadian town), to a Zen Center in Crestone Colorado, to studying art in Santa Fe, to learning web design in a hospital bed, to apprenticing with a shaman, to touring the deep south, to healing touch massage school, and now to authentic relationship training. What a ride… and it has all been so important. Each piece has helped me craft my life and my being into something and someone better, and more authentic than before.
- Coming to terms with the fact that my childhood is over, and that it was what it was. I won’t get another one. This one can hurt. But is also very liberating. I have since had the opportunity to go back through, heal, and let go everything that was and was not what I expected during my first 18 years on this planet. And I am so much better for it.
- Relationships. Which ones do I want? What does relationship even mean? When I was 21, I underwent a big shedding. Three good (but wildly destructive) friends, a boyfriend of five years, and a community all left my life. I did so much grieving. But after some training, self-awareness, and rebuilding, the holes that they left started to fill.
- Surrendering identity And another ouch. All of my previous beliefs, attachments, and ideas about who I was, and who I wanted to be were thrown into question. I have undergone rigorous uprooting. The high school identity that many of us become attached to no longer exists. We have an opportunity to re-create.
In your 20’s you start to understand what means to go through an entire season of you. You have pulled through the light and dark of yourself. I think many of us are simply not paying attention to this phenomenon that is so beautifully unique about living through two decades (and some!). You are developing your ability to endure – the stamina of your soul. Of your you-ness.