In the spiritual community, treating and healing victims of abuse is a key subject, however the way it is addressed often cages in victims instead of assisting them on their journey.
Many new age “practitioners” do not have the emotional maturity to honor and understand the meaningful distinction between healing opportunities and re-traumatization. There is a huge swing from denying our triggers and emotional experiences to embracing their significance and plunging in.
New age concepts and phrasing when used by fragmented beings becomes a tool to avoid accountability and effectively abuse and manipulate others. It is one of the more confusing experiences when a spiritual teacher, friend, or lover begins using language that is typically seen as a positive teaching instead as a tool to avoid accountability and place the blame back on the victim.
“You chose this scenario so you can grow”
“There are no victims”
“That’s just a story”
“I’m just a reflection of you”
“It’s all an illusion/mirror”
Telling someone who is triggered that they are blessed for the opportunity is both insensitive and narcissistic. Sometimes, these responses have a place. But not when there has been a wrongdoing without any accountability taken. Swinging too far in the direction of “all-oneness” invites in a boundary-less way of being. When there is no accountability, we cannot keep our feet on the ground. The truth becomes distorted. We begin inviting in a way of life that can’t support.
“I’m sorry” should always come first.
If you have been wronged, or if a boundary of yours has been crossed, it is key that if this person is to re-enter your life that they express a remorse or understanding of the situation and why it was not ok. Accountability and acknowledgement is foundational for healthy and supportive relationships. You deserve a solid support system!
Abuse and trauma when approached with an attitude of all oneness can lead to victim blaming, no accountability and a disempowering atmosphere. If you are experiencing a trigger, it doesn’t mean you are bad, or unevolved. It doesn’t mean you still have entangled karma, or that you are going to have to live through all of this again in the next lifetime. Being trigger-free is not required. And for my clients with severe PTSD from sexual abuse, rape, or war, it is simply not going to happen because I tell them “It’s all an illusion”.